RANDOM-ISM.: March 2006

Friday, March 31, 2006

Humpty is Dumb.

humpty dumpty sat on the wall;

humpty dumpty had a great fall;

and all of the king's horses and all of the king's men,

couldn't put humpty together again.

i used to hate this nursery rhyme when i was younger. it made me dream of evil queens and black crows, of couldrons filled with translucent greenish liquid with effervescence emerging at the top, and i'll be trapped in a cage right on top of it, curled at a corner, like hansel and gratel and the wicked witch.

such a pessimistic nursery rhyme, don't you think?

why in the world would anyone teach a child that things cannot be fixed, maybe literally yes, but then when you think about it in real life, not all things are like that, not all problems are like that and not all feelings are like that. Humpty Dumpty is whatever you want it to be. it can be your relationship, your laptop, your emotions, your family, whatever. the point is, it is YOURS, your item, something that you own that you have to take care of, so why in the world let it sit on a wall and have a great fall? you are bestowed to Humpty Dumpty so you jolly well take good care of it, and make sure it doesn't fall.

so Humpty Dumpty falls, and then you try to mend it. some things can be mended, others are way beyond fixation. wouldn't it be easier if it had never sat on the wall, take that tumble and break in the first place?

and then, we'll talk about life's uncertainties again. (it's all like webbed together, what a vicous cure to the itch)

Thursday, March 30, 2006

of sequins and dragonflies.

DRAGON-FLIES. DRA-GON FLIES. the name, on its own, gives off no clue that such a creature is one so lovely, one that is like a bat with butterfly wings, oh what marvelous things. in contrary, one that has never seen a dragonfly, know how it looks like, what its character is like, will think that it's a hideous creature: one to blow balls of fire at you like a dragon and as irritating as a fly. but no, it's not like that at all. it only stings when it's disturbed, other than that it flies around the open field and ponds like a rabbit prancing around vast greenery.

what's there to a name? a rose with any other name will smell just as sweet. so what's there to a name really?

some say identity, i don't think so. i believe that we all put on different masks when we go out, only with our closest friends and family do we reveal ourselves and even then we don't show all of us. we create a pseudo-identity to gain recognition, because we are afraid of rejection if we show who we really are.

if only the world isn't so materialistic and superficial, if only help wasn't so superficial. if only love is as pure and genuine like fairy tales, if only hatred can vanquish itself from each and everyone's hearts and minds. if jealously had never been a feeling but a vase of which we can throw onto the ground and let it shatter, not possible to put it back together, then would we take off our masks? will we stop our stage?

and then suddenly i get it. we put on masks so that our ideas get accepted, because beneath these masks there are ideas, some so revolutionary, some are just mere crap. and when we pretend to be who are not, people may just accept the ideas as it is, no form of anylising the mastermind, no racial or religious biasness, no, nothing of that sort.

(i'm just writing because i got nothing better to do)

Monday, March 27, 2006

pour your sugar on me!

random comment: Strawberry Shortcake's version of Sugar, Sugar is so much better than Abba's.

i wonder how much longer i can blog everyday (with a substantial issue or with pictures) until i get sick of it all and start posting bad song lyrics and critic them as if they're a PC assignment or something.

well, i got bored during religious class the other day and drew a cartoon. (and these 2 pictures will sum up today's blog post) so here are the pictures. i added Randomismonity At Blogspot because i don't want people to steal these pictures. (cos now i see the point of why people will want to steal, unlike my other photos)

The School Girl Spite by atiQ.

the one on my msn display pic.

yeay, i got chalet tomorrow!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

just how long?

time. sometimes we have too much in our hands, sometimes it just slips away without us realising it.

time. how it seemed long while we were in our mothers' womb, how it seemed short that our lives turn out to be.

funny, isn't it? it isn't something we can hold, but something we can manage, something we can organise, something we can plan, something we can use at our own benefit. something that some has so much of, others just lack of it.

something not so absolute, like the sun, but everyone knows it's there. there is. time. it's like love.

just how long are we destined to live? is our time running out?

when they day draws nearer, do we know?

and just how much longer must i wait?

for death, for love, for you.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

plenty of paper

i had a dream last night that mom brought us for a month's long of travelling and we come back home to a newly decorated apartment. i like. hehe.

anyway, with everyone blogging, it just made me realise the amount of paper and trees that we save. so why is it drawing paper seem to be more expensive these days?

paper worries aside, i got photos.

CHINYANG'S BIRTHDAY.

Birthday Boy so happy ah. (the rare moments we can get his photo)

ultra yummy Black Forrest Cake.

Chin Yang.

you cut the cake..

and throw them candles.

GRANNA'S PLACE.

i decorated the noodles.

i folded the roti kirai!

i stole the epok-epok inti.

while making the epok-epok of course.

ultimate chef of a lifetime!

me and my sister got bored after all that cooking.

see, my sister is spastic.

now i am spastic.

while this looks better photoshopped,

this looks better on paper.

ok, i am off to go spend my saturday wisely with people i love. :)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

i am a sotong

this is uberly random, but i realise i am more to a sotong person, than a prawn person.

i like butter sotong, baby sotong, sotong in kicap, sotong in sambal, sotong in cheese, sean's marinated sotong during our BBQs, sweet and sour sotong, sotong in garlic, grilled sotong, bbq-ed sotong (which is more or less the same as grilled sotong, but grill is grill, bbq is bbq. bbq is more charcoal than meat, grill is more meat than charcoal. get it?), sotong in my tom yam soup, sotong with sambal belachan.. any type of sotong!

but as for prawns.. i only like prawn coated with batter.

and maybe sambal prawn. but i guess that's about it.

sotong is sedap stuff.

i wonder if there is such things as sotong quiche. then it's almost a dream come true.

heh, i'm all about random. i'm gonna go pay school fees now.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

there's a lot of love

yesterday, i was really depressed. i was still thinking about the fight with the brother and stuff, but then i realised that instead of being upset because of one person, i should be glad that i have other family and friends who care for me, who bother making the effort to make me smile.

i was talking to airell last night about being afraid not being able to make friends in poly later on, and then we were like "well, if we don't make friends, we are in the same FMS (film and media school), so do what you gotta do." and "but you wouldn't know if we drift apart."

friendship is a wonderful gift, so so wonderful, it's priceless. i do admit some friendships are very superficial, some very genuine, some last for very long, and some for just a moment. we may drift apart, we may be friends for a very long time, but our busy lives makes it inevitable that we sometimes forget our friends even though we try not to. whatever it is, i shall always remind myself how great it was while it lasted.

i remember my friends, yes i do. from the girl called shafiqah in kindergarten, joyce yip in primary 1 and 2, the malay girls from primary 4 onwards, valerie, ranitha and eliza in secondary 1, margareth, fatein and siti in secondary 2, shan from sec 3 till present, sowmya, selene, back four, measels fam from sec 4, nurul and farid since i changed my religious class from en-naeem to al-istiqamah, zara ever since i joined FSV, and FSV ever since i joined FSV, ele, sol and marie ever since we got together for PW, glen and jiaxiang, charissa, amanda and josephine..

and the list goes on.

certain friends take part in major events in our lives, certain friends were there for the minial things that happened. and now comes to think about it, there is a lot of love in the world, but the bad things that happened just overshadow the lovely things that were made for us to see. i guess, emotions really do come in pairs. without hurt, without pain, there is no love or compassion.

and family, though it sometimes become the reason for us to be held back from our dreams, are the very people who'd be there for us, no matter what. i am sure. and i love them so, no matter how hurt i may be, how lonely i sometimes feel, i do love them. i know that i can rely on them, that i can say anything i want to them, talk about crazy things and substantial issues with them, and they shall never turn their backs on me. i'm glad i have family like my mom and my dad and my sis and my cousin reen and uncle bob to talk to. even though i sometimes find it difficult to say how i really feel to some of them, i know i can talk to someone else and we'll find a solution. gosh, i know how it all sounds really mushy, but i really really really love my entire family (immediate and extended). and yes, my brother is included.

i guess, i am human after all. not so eccentric when it comes to feelings, aye?

here's the part where i smile by myself and realise how silly teenage angst is.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

my heart is caught in a landslide

every last strand of hope for him to surface has completely diminished into the thin air last night when we fought about something so stupid and he has to be a jerk about it. i was going to say sorry but then things that he brought up which isn't related to the actual reason why we fought overshadowed my good intentions.

for years i have hoped for an elder brother, for years i created this imaginary elder brother figure and talked to him, and for years i have hoped that certain qualities i made up in that imaginary one will show up in my real elder brother, but then i guess none of it will. nope, not a single one. nada, zilch, kosong, zero. now i know how he feels about me: he feels ashamed i am his sister, and that makes it really clear: he shall never acknowledge me as such at his own free will. and i guess, i will do the same.

every elder that i respect has well earned it and deserve it. he has never done anything to earn to it, what more deserve it, and here he is thinking that just because he is older, i must respect him. there are many friends out there who are older than me that i do not respect, be it they are officially my elder or not, and those friends are those who are closer to me and knows me, not like him: he who doesn't know a single thing and judged me as if he knows every single thing about me like God does.

and here i am, heart etched. every dream since a little girl to have a brother, to have someone to talk to have died all together.

i guess life is just unfair. i shower my sisters with love and care, and i do not get the respect that i have worked hard for. i shower my sisters with love and care, and here i am standing on my own, no love and care from an elder sibling. it's not as if i'm loving and caring for my sisters because i want something in return, but once in a while being given the attention will be nice.

sometimes i wonder why is it the other elder brother had to die, why can't i be the one that God takes away from my family? another boy in the family, and one girl less, will make this family rather balanced and maybe that other child would have knock some senses or feelings to members of this family, unlike me: too afraid and insecure to tell them how i really feel.

i wish i wasn't so sensitive to everything people say to me. i wish my heart was made of stone. i wish that this mind of mine doesn't think too much like it does right now. i wish i can turn back time. i wish i never knew how he felt, and live in ignorance rather than knowing the truth and avoiding him my entire life. i wish i can choose my family.

"in our family portrait we looked pretty happy, let's play pretend, let's go back to that."

Monday, March 20, 2006

we took the tumble

i just learnt from victor that no one got the platinum award for SVA's drama category, and CJC FSV just got a participation thing. well, at least we learnt a lot from SVA and got really close together and stuff. the experience was amazing, even though during the first half i was busy mugging and taking my supp papers (of which i failed, nyeh).

here i am, i'm going to talk about the future again. destiny is a tricky thing: it's mysterious ways that lead to wonderful feelings creep me. no, this is not just about love, but our paths in lives. whether we make it big, or not so big; whether we take a stroll or take a tumble before we get what we want, or deserve to get. but one thing is for sure: life is no storybook. get all the great writers in the world together and let them brainstorm to write the most wonderful story earth's lifespan has ever gotten, but they cannot write the story of one single person until he has died. our lives are written in the hands of God, and none of us have will ever have the chance to read what's in store for us. and no matter how hard we try to achieve what we want, it's all already written whether we get it or not.

and therefore it is sad that some people actually uses this excuse whenever they fail: that life has already been determined, maybe they took the wrong path. i do not believe that we just sit around and wait for a sign from the higher power, but i do believe that if we work hard for what we want and follow our religious practices, we will get what we want, and what God has already planned for us. for everything that happens, there is a reason. karma and destiny- are they really interrelated?

life's like a head covered with tangles in the hair. the different strands intersecting at random corners, but then connected to a single head. some strands very close together, some strands so far away. but we are all connected to a single head in the end. some of the strands fall, and new ones will grow. we all intersect with different people in our lives, some we get really close to, some that we are very distant. someone dies, and someone else opens his eyes to the sunrise. but we all live on the same ground, on earth, and we shall all meet one day, on the other side.

aaanyway, do support this other site of mine: CDs FOR SALE. (help the unemployed).

Sunday, March 19, 2006

pictures, they talk.

i like blogs with loads of photos and stuffs.

my entire week has been packed, ever since last sunday of which i met up with reen before she went to work and i went to FSV's bbq at zar's condo. then the very next day, family chalet up till tuesday night at changi. so, that's like 3 bbq nights in a row. and then the very next day, the family (minus the brother) and my aunt, uncle, one cousin and my grandmother (dad's side) drove up to Bukit Tinggi, Genting (an uncalled trip of which mira got her chickenpox) and KL. so yeah, let's just look at pictures since i have nothing to talk about anyway. (i am dying to talk about a certain irritant throughout the holiday (except KL trip) but i shall just forget about it for now.

THE COUSIN AND ME; FSV BBQ.

cliche-d mrt station reflection things.

again.

urm, starting the fire-- successful?

SOTONGs.

steffi's other alternative to bbq.

a whole load of junk.

YUMM.

corn and sweet potato which i never tasted. (cos i didn't want to)

I LIKE!

the bubble balloon thing that i used to love so much.

MANFRED!

FAMILY CHALET.

breakfast. (its the new day already. i came late on the first day. so yeah)

they took shifts playing and sleeping.

mir in uncle dan's merc.

it looked as if we were bbq-ing in the mountains.

rubbish photo.

view from my room.

freaking stuck to this girl for the rest of my life.

uber cute, hyperactive, handsome lil kid called ihsan.

camwhoring starts here.

see, ppl love me.

i told you.

ok, i like to pass on some of my good lovin'.

by the way, that's my cousin ama.

tribute to the twits.

uncle man's gf, irene.

GRANNA!

supreme

being

for my fans! (wahaha)

i got bored so i took my ass off the bed and went to take some photos on the way to the beach. (i like this one best!)

makngah, angah and ihsan.

kids.

musi no.1.

musi no.2.

musi no.3. (feat bb)

abdullah, the samseng cengeng.

TEH KLONES KLAN.

a box of sand.

half of the league.

he likes to urm, perasan.

si samseng cengeng da start sekolah tau!

HOLIDAY!!

THIS IS THE REASON WHY I HATE BOWLING. (at least i am not the last, hehe)

everybody, meet my sister who got chicken pox on our holiday. she has a lot of nicknames but nurul calls her 1990. nyeheheh.

ok, i am like so sick of posting photos already and creating captions. the reason why the holiday trip has so little photos here is because i cannot be bothered to upload to photobucket anymore and i am so sick of the infrastructure so if you want to look at it so much, go and research Bukit Tinggi, Genting Highlands and Kuala Lumpur. the internet will be of better use than just to hang around my blog. hehehehe. there's something to do!

ok, off to watch sepet now.

RANDOM-ISM.