you put all the smiles in the world here.
Alhamdulillah.
i managed to get accepted into FSV at NP. was jumping around my room with excitement last night (or the wee hours of the morn. i checked my interview results at 0015hrs on 3rd of march. talk about kiasu, lol) until i finally got tired and settled into lala-land.
all these talks on love, all the heartbreaks and the newly built that surrounds me, i feel kinda lonely sometimes. i miss him, i miss you. i miss a lot of people. i guess nurul is right, when your heart breaks, it is rather difficult to believe that you are actually very in love and happy when you are with your next boyfriend or something. right now, i'm really happy i am single and stuff cos i get to go out with my friends anytime i want (except when the parents don't allow me to) and look at people and do things that i want to do, but then again, at times, i do feel empty: like i need someone special to hug me or run his hand down my (short/shoulder-length) hair or hold my hand and say "it's alright, we can do it". it all sounds very cliche-ish, teenage romance novel-ish, but it's true. i do miss that alot.
kin sms-ed me one day saying "don't overuse your heart trying to find someone whom you can love but open up your heart to someone who loves you", i guess he's trying to tell me to be more aware of the people around me who loves me, instead of trying to find the perfect boyfriend or partner or whatever because that person will very well one day come tumbling down the streets and into my life without me having to search far, or that person is already here. i don't know. cupid's a very tricky character i don't quite believe in, but i know that person is out there somewhere i won't put in all of my effort trying to look for him. maybe just a little, just a little.
farid said to me the other day,"if there is no hate, you can have all the love in the world." but i do not agree with him. i think feelings come in pairs. like how suffering induces compassion, sadness brings about meaning to happiness, anger creates a meaning to calm, and likewise how hatred brings about love. so i said that it is more difficult to love when you are hurt, but being hurt is inevitable. everyone is bound to get hurt one day, no matter how true your love is to you or how happy you are, you are bound to get hurt. it's the experience that makes us stronger, that makes us a better person: we look out of what that is going to hurt us, treasure whoever that loves us so we don't get hurt. it's because we know how it feels to be hurt, we want to avoid that feeling and thus, we sometimes become afraid to love again. it's not a sad reality, but it's just cowardly not to love just because we are afraid we'll get hurt. besides, a realtionship without a little pinch of salt, wouldn't be much of a relationship, now would it? even Disney fairytales have twists in them, not everything has a happy ending.
so, my dear friend (you know who you are), this is for you, i hope it helped a little bit. i'm not asking you to listen to me or anything but just see my point of view. you don't have to stress yourself about this, you don't have to be afraid because you know, when all else fails, you got me and we can go to maccafe and hangout drinking coffee and tea and looking at cute waiters all day. :)
posted by Myz @ 12:46 PM
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