whatever.
i realise that i tend to reveal my feelings better to people that i'm really not close to, like random people, and usually i reveal them on the way home from outings or gatherings or what nots. i don't know why. but argh, it's just weird.
sometimes when i cross the road, i hope that a vehicle appears and hit me and i'll get into a coma and people will surround my bed talking to me, and i'm listening but i cannot reply them. then maybe they would realise that that's the exact state i am in now:
they are talking to me, and i'm just listening but they can never hear my response. you know, sometimes it's nice to have someone to listen to you after listening to so many people again and again.
i'm telling you being nice really suck. i don't get credited for
anything i do. be nice at home, only to be defeated by sibling rivalry and selfishness and stupiditiy of the people at home. be nice at school, you just get nothing, not even CIP hours. be nice to my friends, they'll just forget you eventually. i don't get fucking RESPECT anywhere, i don't gain anything anywhere. i try to smile and let go, but really, now it just hurts too much with so many things in my head. i wish she's still alive so all i can think about is her and her same problems again and again, and heck everyone else.
teachers' day concert was a screw up. mcs gathering was fun. and krayon's back. i really don't know how i should feel.
i'm gonna go on
HIATUS. or so i think for now.
shake those windows.
okay, with athlete's songs constantly stuck in my head, i have to get their first album, Vehicles and Animals. i have Dungeness, Shake Those Windows, Westside and Beautiful playing over and over again, and they never seem to want to get out of my head. it's as if saying,"Atiqah, run to HMV now and get that first album.." okay inner conscience, i'm gonna get it soon. in the mean time, i'll let that music player in my head to be set on repeat.
YEAH. PAC CONCERTS ARE OVER AND THERE'S ONLY TEACHERS DAY LEFT UNTIL AFTER THE PROMOS. three more days of hard work with the sound system and then i am released! :D not that i don't like FSV or anything but it's about time that i really mug. heh.
jc students, pfft. study study study. nyehaha. stereotyping my own kind, eh? anyway, CJ is yet to have it's REAL official opening of the Performing Arts Center.
what?! you mean those two days that you sacrificed weren't the official opening?!?!?! uh, that would be right.
i just realised how spastic my paragraphs sound like whenever i type what's in my head, but who cares.
have you ever walked down the toilettries aisle in a supermarket and found a Mars bar amoungst the sanitary pads? dude, i found a whole load of things that are supposedly NOT to be found at the toilettries aisle. like bread, french fries, Mars bars, butter, ketchup and an opened packet of instant noodles. my,my, how ugly Singaporeans are. and it's not as if they are all in one basket where people put aside while they are checking out the things on the shelves but they are like at random places, like next to the toothbrushes, next to the sanitary pads, next to shampoo and the list can go on. hmm, if you don't want that item ma'am/sir, please return it to the right aisle! gosh.
yeah, Singaporeans are pretty ugly people. well, not literally. but sometimes, literally too. heh. not that i'm all prim and proper and pretty or anything. (note the alliteration! whoo. hanging out with mr ho and ms jasmin tan backstage really tuned my ears) but really, Singaporeans are generally ugly unless they know the other party or they want to suck up. if you beg to differ, don't.
which just goes to show that Civics and Moral Education lessons are a total waste. so JUST ELIMINATE THOSE BLURDY LESSONS AND END SCHOOL EARLIER! we'd appreciate it very much it that happens. ethics just can't be thought, you know. it should come from the heart. aaaaah, whatever. no one really gives a shit anyway.
KRAYON'S BACK. and that means big grins from me. :D
0630? ah, heck school.
dad woke me up at 0545 just now in the morning, then i decided 15 more minutes of sleep is essential for me to be able to pay attention in class for the whole day. turns out i slept for 45 mins until someone else knocked on my door, wondering if i am already ready to leave. so i looked at the time, and i said to myself,"
oh shit. school." and then i lay my head back onto my pillow and said again,"
AHHH, WHATEVER." i don't think parents give a damn whether i go to school or not cos i told mum,"
ma, i'm not going to school today." and she merely said ok. and when dad knocked on my door, i yelled,"
i'm not going to school!" and he simply left me to go back to la-la land. howell, today's a short day anyway. the time i woke up just now was already my last hour of school. so heck.
i do believe that i am currently not the craziest of me, yet. it's kinda weird for me to dismiss important thoughts and think of the most redundant things ever. and then when i am needed to be serious and pay attention, i just switch off, and things that i am supposed to be at ease with seem to throw overwhelming amounts of thought at me, some of which are rather related to education. tell me, whoever watches Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and think about Economics and Literature at the same time? well, maybe the Literature part may be a little common, but Economics? i think i just think too much at the wrong time/situation/whatever.
picture this meal: Macaronni and Cheese, Char Kwey and Ice Cold Sweet Tea. like wtf right? whoever in their right mind eats italian food with chinese side-dish and TEA? and considering the cheese sauce was rather sweet cos i used sweet milk instead of the marigold no-taste milk and drowned it with Sweet Tea. i'm really going bonkers. but the thing is, mom bought breakfast for the brat only. obviously, she forgot that i was at home. and not in school. i guess dad forgot i was at home too cos when he got back from sending the brat to school just now, he went like,"You reach home so fast?" ah gee, no one pays attention to me.
this post is rather coherent, i must say. cos now i'm gonna talk about not receiving attention from whoever. really, look at this blog. i must say, it is idle. look at my life at home, my parents don't even know what i am doing, where i am going, who i am. my brother doesn't even care about my existence. we exchange less than 5 words per week. and usually the exchanged words are "
assalamualaikum" and "
wa'alaikumsalam". even that occurs when i come back home and mutter "
assalamulaikum" whenever i step into the house and most of the time, when i step into the house, it's just empty so there's no one to reply my
salaam.
aaah, whatever.i don't care if anyone from my class reads this, because i know they don't. i mean, even if they read it, aaah, whatever. i don't give a damn cos this is my blog (ooh, another common line! "
this is my blog, i'm gonna rant whatever i feel like!" heh.) so who cares if they like the content or not. well, i guess blogs are spaces where you want reveal your feelings to a certain extent. hmm, back to the class. what about the class? i forgot what i was gonna say. ah. heck.
"Plastic flowers that fight for colour
Shadows floating on the ground, that always follow
Like international acclaim, it comes and goes never the same"
go figure. heh.
hmm, pictures.
i miss krayon already. finally saw his lomo pics at his msnspaces. good stuffs. and at the same time reminding me that i've yet to post some pictures from Ides of March. click on it for a larger view.
The Finale. Entire Cast. loved it. :)
julius and his first wife. she's pretty!
MARK ANTHONY and brutus. MARK ANTHONY IS SUPER GOOD. whoo.
oh and dear uncle bob bought me a "bite me" bear. here it is:
im gonna go, urm, do something.
krayon.
krayon's gone for a week. so i guess no late nights, no file sharing, no talking about books and foreign films and kubriks for a while. sometimes i wonder about stuff but yeah, i guess kin is right, i just think too much.
sometimes it seems so easy to dismiss a subject, or drop a conversation and try to talk about something else. but then, the human mind is designed as such that we keep on going back and think about what we initially left hanging. sometimes, emotions are so strong we tend to react unnecessarily, but sometimes emotions so strong but heart is as hard as stone, we feel nothing. i'm not sure if i am feeling anything at all. i think i've numbed myself.
rather weird how i can laugh and five minutes later i stare into space and cry. and no, no dust caught in my eye.
and rather weird how i dread so much going to school, and at the same time when it's over, i dread going home.
trying to keep myself intact but the mind is breaking down, the heart is already in pieces.
ARGH I AM SO DRAMA. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!maybe a song will enlighten you?
You tried so hard to be someone
That you forget who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
Till all you had spilled over
Now everything's so far away
That you don't know
Where you are
You are
When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to
When it's hard to be yourself
It's not to be someone else
Still everything's so far away
That you forget where you are
You are
When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to i'm needing a shrink. seriously.
for martha.
im gonna go into depression i think.
econs pbl sucks. esp when you get irrelevant material.
i just whine so freaking much.
i need my uncle to talk to. his lappy just had to have casualties.
i don't know why in the world they are still playing national day songs on tv.
i don't know why i bother updating. no one reads anyway.
and if someone is reading, For Martha is a song.
me being liberated from the sickening job of doing the group report was just an imagination. i gotta do it now. but how am i supposed to? the SHENUMEROUNO didn't even analyse her sources and the SHENUMERODUO hasn't even emailed me her bit. as i have said in one of my earlier posts, caltex's website proved useless so i did the research on UK marts and the general trend of opening up of convenient stores in petrol kiosks. lucky for me, glen did the last part, which just leaves me to the second part to do. and the 1000-1500 word group report. dang.
WHY AM I BLESSED WITH SUCH GOOD, RELIABLE TEAM MEMBERS?!and yes, the preceeding line floods with irony/sacarsm/satire/whatever.
BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!!
whoo! currently in post-musical mood. ides of march was great, refreshing, not so depressing as shakespeare had meant it to be when he wrote Julius Ceaser. argh, bear with the spelling errors if there are any at all because it's saturday and i can't be bothered making things right. aanyway, the cast was good. Mark Anthony was the best! too bad it was a girl playing the role or i'd so into him now. if msb is reading this, the microphones were bad and lighting was a little wee too fast/slow at times, but i'd dismiss the lighting for you and assume it's part of the stage effects.
watching the musical finally clarified Mr Fahy's point of
dramatic irony. and it also made me realise how unappreciative some people are when it comes to watching musicals and how ignorant they are to theatre conduct. well, again, i shall dismiss thoughts of such things, or people in this case, and just enjoy my saturday as it is. gonna make mac&cheese today. oh what delight. :D
finally, after don't know how many years of knowing him and exchanging peoms and prose with him, i got to meet and shake the hands of MSB. heh. and gave him a message in a bottle. i initially bought a slice of blackforest cake from Bengawan Solo for him but then i held on it too long and put it in my bag and it got squashed so i didn't give it to him and ate it for breakfast just now.
THE CATHOLIC JUNIOR COLLEGE PERFOMING ARTS CENTER (CJC PAC) HAS 48 MICROPHONE POINTS AND 70 LIGHTS FOR THE FSV TO HANDLE. whoo! that'll take us quite a while to draw the microphone and light map and put it in the sound control room. i hope the management has some kind of mercy and produce a mic/light map for us so we don't have to go through the hassle for drawing it ourselves. which reminds me, with so such a huge space and so many microphone points, we have to get binoculors to put inside the PAC control room which is three times bigger than the one at the audi. ooh, i'm estatic. next FSV meeting will be on learning the sound controls at the PAC. manhoe says it's waay different than that of the audi. so, i've yet to explore and master the controls. FOR I AM THE QUEEN OF SOUND!
FSV's next project after the promos and completing the montages for J1s and J2s will be the
SCHOOLS' VIDEO AWARDS 2005. zara and steff constructed quite a plot, asked me to be the leading character (i shall not reveal what she does) and i gladly accepted it. hmm, maybe my acting skills will finally be put into good use. nyeheheh. we start shooting after promos i assume. can hardly wait! zara's already drawing the storyboard and stuffs.
i come to realise that i've got a lot of opportunities lying ahead of me and i'm not gonna let them go. just that i have to concentrate on my promos first and then everything else will be a breeze. it's like almost saying that life has more meaning than ever before. (oh the blasphemy if graham reads this. i keep on shouting "there's no meaning to life" to him in class)
well, finally met the bw people (rabies and tommy) and i saw the rosyth classmate at np yesterday too. hmm, i keep on bumping into people from rosyth and bw. and the people from rosyth are mostly in uniform from RJ or VJ or HCJ or NJ. and the bw people, no uniforms for them anymore. heh.
i think memories are unreliable sources of the past. we see them the way we want it to be, there is not absolute truth for man is subjected to his own opinions.well, enough rambling for now. i'll upload pictures later.
oh, i've lost the joy of eating the mcspicy double.
IT / COM No. 7
yes i am in school again.
CLARIFICATIONS:1) to the people who read my past blogs and then stumbled upon this new one and are now thinking "WHO THE F IS THIS GIRL?! SHE'S MAD, CRAZY, HAPPY! SHE'S NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!",
relax. i am still the same girl who blogged about deep, emotional, eccentrical, (insert adjective here) things. it's just that i have chosen to do that somewhere else: in a proper diary, not for the entire world to see. so yes, you can say this is a masquerade.
2) to differenciate log to the base 10 (5x), you have to change the function to ln(5x)/ln(10) and then take out the constant and differenciate ln(5x) and you'll get 1/xln10. get it?
yes, it's that simple!.
3) i don't see the point of clarifying things when i don't really have anything to clarify except point no. (1).
half an hour more to prata-ing with the class. oh i can already picture the
banana prata, the cheese prata and the garlic prata right in front of me. ok, maybe i'm gonna forgo the cheese prata today. but definately the banana and egg-garlic or something. and TEH PENG!!! oh my goodness, it's been ages since i drank TEH PENG. monster lim's diet plan can go to hell today.
TEH PENG'S LIKE THE ELIXIR OF LIFE. and prata's a necessity. yep.
oh, comes to think about it, i do have a confession to make:
i am a prata virgin when it comes to prata outing with the entire class. but hey, i went once with marie and sol! and i went for prata with the BW cliques. and with riz and with kin. and i think that FSV should have prata outings and take pictures of prata and curry. but i think by then i wouldn't be able to set my aperture/shutterspeed already. too busy drooling over the subject. nyehahaha.
i am a mad bugger and today is charissa's 18th. so,
happy birthday char. 18 already so stop drawing on my math/econs/lit notes and get over hello kitty. i'm telling you polly pocket is the only thing that i consider cute in PINK.
remember the ECONS PBL project that i have to do? i'm still stuck with it. but hey, someone else is going to do the report, so heck la. honestly, this project's gonna be screwed. but who cares anyway?
IDES OF MARCH TOMORROW!!!! whoo. i'm estatic.
[edit]
time: 4.40pmfooh. i am
be-loa-thud. clever me didn't bring the digitalcam along so i couldn't snap photos of the amount of pratas/briyani/meegoreng we ordered and charissa's birthday ice-cream prate with the PINK candle that kept slipping off the prata. nyeh. banana prata and egg-cheese prata is heavenly but when i tried some of marie's MUSHROOM CHEESE PRATA, i came to the opinion that
NOTHING BEATS THE MUSHROOM CHEESE. maybe banana prata, cos mushroom cheese can be kinda of
je-lak after a while. now i'm feeling for pizza.
have you ever felt like this:
you go out with your friends for late lunch, (prata at 2.30 for example) and then you come home to find your mom cooking a fantastic dinner (of nasi lemak and chilli crabs for example again) and then you face this dilemma of whether you should eat dinner or not because you ate a lot of prata just a few hours ago and you really like chilli crabs and you haven't had crabs for an EXTREMELY LONG TIME. have you ever felt like that?
if you do, join the club. i've a solution for us!
HECK THE DILEMMA, JUST EAT. because the next day you have p.e. and then you have to run endless circles for an hour, so it's all justified. and then during break, don't eat rice/bread. eat fruits because today you broke the Monster Lim's rule of DDE and TTF (
discipline, diet exercise and tuesday, thursday= fruits). honestly, if u failed to do something one day, just make up for it the next day and feel good about it because you did something about it. :D:D:D:D
there are too many schools in singapore with the same uniform colour as CJC. but then again, i'd rather have many schools with the same uniform colour rather than schools having odd-coloured uniforms like pink or purple or orange or something. or worse, neon-coloured. if that ever happens, i'd just wear shades everywhere.
now, off to go and get those new pair of running shoes. who says my life isn't happening?
[/edit]
HERBIVORES! HERMPH!
hello everyone. i know this is insane because i just posted an entry before this one less than half an hour ago. anyway,:
i have a friend called steffi. she thinks she's ghandi or something because she won't eat meat. yes, steffi's a herbivore. i think she's mad. animals are made for eating. i know that there are others who think otherwise like steffi does, but she says in her blog that she doubts she'll ever be eating this meat:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4148164.stm.
i guess i have to ask my granna to mass produce her
no animal content currypuffs again.
dogs in paperbags.
sometimes it gets kinda boring sitting right under the teacher's nose in class. cos he doesn't pick on you. mr fahy always picks on the people sitting behind, the people sitting at the side and rachel. but never me. i wonder why. graham used to sit next to me and when he sleeps, he gets caught. and when i sleep, i don't get caught. well, neither does hazel but hazel's like the
PRO SLEEPER in class, so i really cannot say anything.
everyone in T8 now has a dog in a paperbag! yesterday when we were having our econs MCQandDRQ test, she said she'd give a little something for everyone of us if we scored more than 8 out of 10 for mcq. but i doubt i scored 8 out of 10. she probably already bought for us the dogs in the paperbags before the test itself. heh, anyway, muchos thanks and lubs (
T8/T10 thing. there's no satire here.) to
Ms Giam for the doginthepaperbag.
DOGINAPAPERBAG?! WTF IS THAT?!?! this is:
DOG...
...IN A PAPERBAG!i really should have joined the drama club. no, not that i don't LOVE FSV or anything but people think i should put my acting skills to good use. not to brag or anything, but really, i can cry whenever i want to, act really pissed when i really am feeling fine, and of course, act happy when i'm feeling like crap. but no, DRAMA SESSIONS COINCIDES WITH FSV MEETINGS. FSV MEANS SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING ELSE. i mean, cca wise.
i saw timothy from the primary school on the bus today. i was gonna say hi, but it took me about 5 mins to figure out his name. and i doubt he remembers me anyway. but he's looking GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. quite a shock seeing him actually, considering he used to be this nerdy dude in my pri(?) class and then he suddenly boarded the bus and stood out from the smelly crowd. rosyth, rosyth. aah, popsicle days.
can't be bothered with randomismonity today. i'm waiting for 7.15. so i can break my fast. nyeh. blasphemy, blasphemy.
IT / COM No. 1
so i am in school. and although i have my laptop and the cable that's able to access me to the internet, i am not able to use it because the chinese teacher would never allow us to stay in class and do our own stuff. so i am here, in the library trying to do some research on
why supermarkets in UK started selling petrol whereas petrol kiosks in Singapore have resorted to introducing "convenience stores" within their premises but of course, to no avail because the Caltex website has proved itself useless and Google isn't giving me results that i am searching for. so how am i going to do the group report and hand it in on Friday? easy,
never.
i wonder if geographical factor applies to this "supermarket selling petrol and petrol kiosks opening minimarts" question. i mean, UK is relatively big, ok, BIG. and Singapore is so deprived of land. right?
i am going to digress from that stupid economics project of mine. it's good to have good old john to talk to again. i can open up about almost everything and not worry about having information leaking out and spreading around Singapore because good old john is an American that lives in America. and he knows almost none of my friends, so good old john has no one to tell. :D
i'm lovin' good ol' john. nyeh. and dear uncle if you are reading this, just don't think about this because thinking is bad for your brain especially if you have too much time that going to the nursery to pick out plants for your maid to water becomes an exciting activity. hehe. yah, i am a bad niece.
i shall not talk about whatever that happened to the Carnival@Marina outing that my
family had intended to have. it just irritates me. GRR. some ppl ah, -shuts up-.
i once read a blog that said, "THERE, A MUNDANE ENTRY FOR ONCE. WHICHEVER PART OF THIS ENTRY INTERESTS YOU AND AFFECTS YOUR LIFE?". maan, i'm feeling him. so,
which part of what i typed above interests you and affects your life?**(randomismonity.)
-my attempts at html for my very pervertic friend and his porn site.-him: how come it does go to the next line? how come it just continues from the last sentence? EH HELP ME I AM DUMB BUT HORNY.
me: add the br tags like how i taught you the other day. it's rather idiot proof you know, i don't understand how you just can't get it at all. even the webmonkey cheatsheets are a total giveaway.
him: oh. the BRA BRA BRA BRA BRA BRA tags. man, you're putting thoughts into my head. be back later. got things to do. like BRA tags.
sometimes i don't know why i am friends with weirdos like him.
CORRUPTION EXPOSER.
whoo, i'm loving this site:
CORRUPTION EXPOSER. click on it. you'll love it too. heh.
this blog, like many other blogs, will be idle and lifeless. because i think i am going back to my natural self:
the depressed, think deep, think death, think "the world's out to get me life is so fucking unfair", the "no one takes me seriously", the "damn i am just a fucking clown to everyone", the "no one appreciates me" person. really, everyday whenever i try to think that my glass is half-full instead of half-empty or that God is watering his plants instead of depriving us with the perfect weather, i fail ok? i just fail. and when i try to think about the amazing, caring people that i have around me, i just end up reminding myself of my incompetency, my loneliness in the end of it.
really, how many of you who actually reads this know the real me?NONE OF YOU. i don't even know myself. i scare myself sometimes. i'm a wreck, but i hate to think that i am. i am needing a fucking psychiatrist/psychologist/whatever but i hate to think that i have to succumb to that kind of solution to get a grip of myself. i tell myself not to do stupid things like slashing my wrists, but my hand just blatantly takes over my mind, my brain no longer controls my limbs, my blood flows freely out of my skin. and things that i tell myself to do for my own good, i just don't give a damn about it and procrastinate or break my pact or something. i am a liar to myself. i am a liar to my family. i am a liar to my friends. i am a liar ok?
and if you ever happen to ask me if i am alright and i say yes,
NO I AM NOT OK.the internet's a blessing. you can just lie your feelings. you can hide how you really feel because no one can see your face. so i can say "HEY TODAY WAS GREAT. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!" when i'm crying my heart out right in front of the screen.
** (
randomismonity)
-a bunch of sisters talking.-
me: you see, she laughs at me and when she has a problem, she comes crying to me.
ikee: eh you know, my friend cried in class once describing her nightmare about the tsunami.
mir: what a loser. don't be friends with her ever again ok?
i told you i'm not ok.
UGH.
WILL THIS FREAKING VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD JUST SHUT UP?! I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO POLY BUT JUST SHUT UP!!!!
heck, who cares.
i am no longer going to wait for any of my BW cliques to make themselves available/projectfree/moviefree/whatsoever. so here's the new jer, you can bloody go and watch whatever movie you want yourself because i am sick of making plans and then everything backfires just because one person cannot make it, or one person has already watched it and you don't want watch it with just me.
watched this yesterday:
with
marie&solikin and
jiaxiang&charissa. obviously, my visions of becoming the lampost came true. i was the lampost. i sat right in between the two "couples" and both were trying to make fun of each other, of course charissa made fun of marie and sol more. kinda weird how we are all just friends. and kinda weird how after the movie, char went off with jx and marie left with solikin and i left with a folded POLAR paper bag in my pocket.
POLAR PUFFS AND PASTRIES just make my day ok? i mean, there are cakes and puffs and pastries from Secret Recipe or Bengawan Solo or Delifrance or Cafe Cartel or Starbucks or Coffee Bean that i like, but really, it's POLAR PUFFS AND PASTRIES that guarantees me satisfaction with every bite of their puffs and pies. :D there's just this aroma and taste that i cannot seem to get anywhere but POLAR PUFFS AND PASTRIES. well, if there are about 921378189732461 people who like POLAR PUFFS AND PASTRIES like me, they shall never earn subnormal profits. COMSUMER LOYALTY, ya know?
i don't quite care about NOT watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory right now because i gotta check my expenses constantly and and the movie that i
REALLY REALLY SO DAMN BADLY NEED to watch is:
TIM BURTON'S CORPSE BRIDE BABY!!!!!!! whoo! okay, now i'm hyped.
randomismonity will now be replaced with (
**) so i do not have to type the entire word every time, ok? don't like it? get out.
** everytime someone asks mr ho to do a question, and it already has been done before, he'd write "FOR (insert name here)" on the board before doing a question. for example:
sadia: mr ho, can you do question 5?
mr ho: question 5. WAH QUESTION 5 AH?! I THOUGH I DID IT ALREADY??
me: yes you did.
mr ho: aiyah, okay lah. question 5. for sadia. (turns to the board and writes on the board "FOR SADIA") SADIA, FOR YOU. oi sadia, pay attention. this is especially for you.
yeapp, i love math lessons. well, almost.
major randoming.
glen=glen.(
do'h) _ODJ / altering history=me.
glen says:wierd
_ODJ / altering history. says:why?
_ODJ / altering history. says:your tv screen didnt crack?
glen says:no my grape juice seems like it came from some martian atmostphere where kids play rattan sticks inside slimy hockey honey balls
_ODJ / altering history. says:wah, golden hair growing on my palms beneath the mango tree dancing to the sounds of music played out of the unplugged vacuum cleaner.
glen says:dont try to lie to the flying guitar when all the purple postures seems to illuminate all the chiken feathers when you dont see them smelling outside the garden of fair play
_ODJ / altering history. says:alamak nasi lemak
glen says:mee reebus
glen says:ok time for some sense
glen says:i need to play game soon
glen says:cyer sex out of service
_ODJ / altering history. says:saliva showers out of the tap to free the pigs out of the canals and press send to get this posted on the conversation but cyer sex is out of service at amk and toa payoh.
glen says:ok
_ODJ / altering history. says:so go to bukit batok.
glen says:bukit botak
_ODJ / altering history. says:biskit botak.
glen says:hairry biscuit
_ODJ / altering history. says:wahlau.
_ODJ / altering history. says:biscuit marie.
_ODJ / altering history. says:tmrw ttf.
glen says:wtf ?
there. so that covers for the past entries. :D
GRADUATED BIRD SHAKER.
and that's the last of free KFC 2-piece chicken meals.
i, and the all the T8 girls minus angie plus solikin, did our final bird-shake just now. so no more rehearsals on saturdays, no more walking around esplanade and going to CHOCZ to get choc strawberries/bananas/marshmellows and greeted by "HELLO NDP PARTICIPANTS. ANOTHER CHOCOLATE STAWBERRY THIS WEEK? WHAT ABOUT A PACK OF 4 MEDIUM STRAWBERRIES FOR 5 DOLLARS?" and sitting outside Jendela and then sit by the bay and squeeze mooray.
fireworks was THE BOMB. excuse the pun, but the fireworks were really magnificent. the sight was indescribable. awesome, just awesome. :D
nothing much to say about the parade, cos i didn't watch the whole thing. cos i was a participant. so yeah, go and watch the 2nd telecast or something. i know JX's face got featured. whee, loser you're on tv! eh wait, make it:
BRONZED LOSER, you're on tv!
curving my lips upwards is waay easier than crying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!! *insert waving flag here*
well, after the burial, i guess there is really really nothing to do so thanks steffi, selene, kel, dil and uncle bob for all of your concerns and your advice.
sel, i know: i've got your back and you've got mine. and maybe sowmya's too. :)
steffi, you don't need a magic wand and work wonders, things happen and sometimes waay beyond our control. thanks man, i'm glad i met a vegetarian like you and omnivores like the FSV. :D
well, pictures! (okay, picture because they are all merged together.)
my needful things:
1)
WATER BOTTLE! esp the bw one. durable, carries about 600 ml of water. love this one cos shan, jer, ray and almost the entire bw has it. heh.
2)
THE CAMERA OBSCURA! well, just one abbreviation: FSV. :D
3)
ASS SHAKER! to amuse me at times of distress.
4)
DANISH BISCUITS! or any kind of snacks. cos life is food, food is life.
5)
PUMA BAG! or my denim one, or my TH one, or my OP(one polar, not ocean pacific), or any other one. the main point here is i need a
BAG to keep my digicam, my moolah, my hp, sweater and nyeadanyeada stuffs.
6)
GREEN MARKER! honestly, i almost died-ed when i lost this marker. other colours include grey and black and yellow and red.
7)
PHOTOSHOP! to edit photos, create layouts, add captions to pictures and nyeadanyeadanyeada.
those aren't all. i need my
emily notebook, my
lappy, my
bolster and my
fat monkey.
notice i didn't mention anyBODY? it's because those are needful
things. not people. so slap youself if you expected me to mention you. SCORE ONE FOR THE ATIQ.
national day today. gotta report to school at 2pm when my act starts at 7.30pm and i shall do my last bird-shake. about 2037891767852396912 people are gonna wear red today.
so she decided to slip away.
DEATH is a mind fuck, is an emotional fuck, it's just fucked up. i don't understand why she has to take the wrong turn and decide to get burried early instead of picking up the bits and pieces of her life, which she has been doing for the past year, and repent for what she had done last year. really, it was as if whatever i have done for her, the times i have been there for her and the many nights i have stayed up to listen to her lament about *beep* meant nothing at all to her. all the things that her mom had done for her, the sacrifices, and the sweat she had to shed just so she could see a professional shrink to help her out with picking up her life meant nothing to her. i should have known,
she just wanted to die.and it's really confusing for me because this means, i really don't know her. i used to, but not anymore. what is she?
who is she? sometimes i feel like a guardian angel to her, sometimes a mother to her: someone who has to set limits for her, and make her promise me that she won't do stupid things. but i guess, i don't know anything at all. i'm a bad example myself. i slash, and i expect her not to be suicidal? but she doesn't know that i did it. she hardly knew me, she hardly took notice of the things that
I am going through. so why did she do it?
she is the close friend i had that no one knew. not a single person knew. and it's because she told me once she found a nice person in me, and if anyone knew we were friends, i'd just be more distant and her problems won't be secret. i don't get it. i just really don't get it.
[edit]
and i read blogs of my friends whose worries are of simple things, and i wonder why can i be that way? you may think i'm just another teenager who thinks the whole world is out to get me, but really, it's nothing like that. i don't feel as if my life is over, i just feel trapped in my own self, and people around me. i want to break free. you know, have simple simple things like a popsicle without feeling guilty, or lie down on the roof and watch the clouds go by and doodle in the sky. i want simple simple worries, like what clothes to wear, which guy to choose, is the zit on my nose too obvious? and i want to be like those girls who have friends so close that they become sisters, who have siblings so funky that there're no rivalries, have parents so supportive and open that there's no holding back. so many things i want, want and want, but nyeh, not a chance.
the world is so noisy, the house is so noisy. sometimes i want to live in isolation. run in the wild and pee by the tree, where my wired, fuzzy mind unfolds and i am unleashed from everything that is holding me back.
randomising isn't an easy thing to do. especially when i try so hard to put up a masquerade. i guess one day my mask will tear and someone will rip it off my face and i'd have to break away from the daily routine of putting on my face everyday and show the world who i really am instead. smiling uses up lesser muscles than frowning, they say. but what if i want to exercise my muscles?
[/edit]
ooh, pictures!
okay, so when rehearsals got cancelled yesterday, i took all the courage and strength that i have to walk along esplande beach and face the endless crowd which majoritily compromised of, mats. aanyway, pictures!
GUESS WHICH IS MINE. :D
UGLY fireworks. okay. ugly PICTURES of fireworks.
we all decide to use the same display picture as an FSV trademark:
(
click for larger image.)
okay, enough pictures! i am sick of pasting the url and writing the codes although it's pretty idiot-proof. heh.
heh.
i was damn tired on the bus just now and i called home and i asked my sister to do me a small favour: help me make a tall glass of sweet ice cold tea. and after all i have done for her when mom or dad or the other sister wasn't around, this was what i got:
"I AM PLAYING ON THE COMPUTER. CAN YOU DO IT YOURSELF WHEN YOU REACH HOME?"talk about doing sweet things and gratitude. i guess it just doesn't work that way. being nice doesn't help at all.
chinyang did a random thing just now:
ChinYang: Atiqah. (
and i turned to face him) BLUEK. -sticks out tongue simultaneously-.
heh. something to smile at times of urm,
disappointment?
CRAZY CRAZY MATCHMAKERS OF HELL.
okay okay. this is like my first online conversation with my aunt and uncle who are currently over at brunei and they just cannot stop disturbing me, matchmaking me with their friend, MIMI. mimi is this dude who's from singapore too who lives with them there, who apparently likes to eat and cook (
"he shares the same interests as you what: eating and cooking") like i do, but hello, i do have other interests too okay. it's so awkward talking to them, i don't know whether to speak intelligently or just be my age or politely or use vulgarities (
oh, these are the younger uncle and aunt. the youngest ones in fact), it's just very confusing because they.. are confusing me. get it? i don't.
you're welcome steffi. i hope you enjoyed the
no animal content currypuffs. i've still got alot more at home. my granmom likes to mass produce these
no animal content currypuffs and send them to us so we can fry them whenever we feel hungry and we don't feel like eating chocolates from denmark.
the FSV people are going to the Festival of Fireworks at Marina South today to catch the fireworks, as in catching them onto their SLRs and their DSLRs. oh man, i so want to be there: lunch at City Hall, walking around Marina to find a perfect spot to take the photos, having that veteran meeting with them, then estimating speed and apertures and then laming and then going home with my men. nyeh, i love the FSV people, can?
there are things abt the new FSV people that i probably shouldn't mention here. yeah, i'll keep that for.. some place else.
RANDOMISMONITY!!(
maths lesson. only mr ho cracks me up whenever i am down. whee.)
-i think he is trying one of his analogies again, this time for the use of the qoutient rule-
mr ho: qoutient rule is like walking under a tree with the birds shitting on your head. so it's bad. so avoid using the qoutient rule.
and at that point of time, i turned to jx and he gave me that "WTF?!" look and we both just laughed. haha.
comes to think abt it, being a math rep (
not MAT REP) is not bad after all. cos mr ho really cracks me up. hehe, so cute.
and don't get any ideas, mr ho is old enough to be my grandfather. and i am not exaggerating.
IDES OF MARCH!
SUPPORT IDES OF MARCH!!!!!
http://massb.blogspot.com/2005/07/ides-of-march.htmldetails and everything are all at that site. want tickets? go get yourself or get through me. :D
SUPPORT IDES OF MARCH!!!!!
hemph.
dear selene,
the only reason i am deep because it's in my nature.
and the only reason the word "free" is fading away from your dictionary is because you have allowed it to. so, push aside things for one day and relax man. you seriously need it.
and it'll be most fruitful if you spend it with the atiq and the sowmya. :D
miss you love.
ATIQ.
mathsrep----matrep.
i just realised that math-rep when pronnounced wrongly may turn out to be mat-rep. and bleah, that just gives me the jibbers cos i am a math-rep. and not a mat-rep. anyhows, i can never be a mat-rep cos number one, i am not a guy and number two, my thighs are bigger than my calves.
i
also realise that everytime someone gets back from the europe, the only reason i get excited is because there would be an overwhelming supply of chocolates and cheese for a month at least. :D yeapp, those are like the only things that are worth bringing back home. i mean we can get postcards and photos of the sights anywhere, but chocolate and cheese, ooh, let's just leave those two subjects hanging and allow ourselves to drool.
i want to go to Istanbul, Turkey. or is it Turkey, Istanbul? is Istanbul in Turkey or is Turkey in Istanbul? ok. so Istanbul is the capital of Turkey. (
i asked mom and she wonders how i passed o levels.) i want to go there anyhow. the flea markets, the food, the culture, the clothes (
i'm big, and the people there are relatively big. so i can shop. i think it's cheaper there too.), the food again, the sights!!! arghhhhhh. i need a holiday to Istanbul, Turkey. i shall go there after A levels! yepp i will.
i really miss the old FSV people, the smaller group. the one without the newbies. the people who hangs out at city hall with me and running to benjamin shears bridge to catch the sunset, the early mornings at city hall (again) and then head to la salle, the xbox and the pizza trips, the photo exhibtions and the photo outings and the movie and the crapping. now FSV is too big, we are disected into different groups to handle the new members. i don't see sean or novi or yongwen as often anymore. chenghong and chinyang too! and zara. and steffie. (
well, i'm lying. i always see zara and steffie. we have lectures together. but you get my point.) and i really miss getting alethea (i still don't know the spelling) irritated by my lame jokes, asking lester to speak english cos i know chinese only -this- much, and hanging out with jorraine in the morning at the sound room. hemph.
I WANT THE OLD FSV BACK!!just like the way i want Back4, ASS and MeaselsFam back.
-sings- MEMORIESSS ALL ALONE IN THE MOOOOOOONLIGHTTTTTTT. (
i'm so gonna watch school of rock later.)
RANDOMISMONITY!(glen went to get for me my honeydew during break. thursday=Fruits day.)me: glen, my fifty cents.
glen: wah lau. where got fifty cents? my five dollars la!
me: my fifty cents!!
glen: okaylah, i give you ten dollars, you give me nine-fifty okay?
me: i have nine dollars but i don't have fifty cents. my fifty cents?
glen: eh, i go and buy food first. you don't mind right?
me: why would i mind?
glen: cos DDE, TTF.
happy birthday steffie.
and selene, i don't care which bag you get for me. but i'm just trying to point out that i prefer the grey (and very very very little pink) puma bag or the black puma bag. but the black adidas one will also be fine with me.
EH YOU MAKE YOURSELF FREE LA. wahlande.
i am random no more. gah.
nyerhs.
the sister is back. with loads of chocolate and stuffs. gave me a very elegant pouch and a puma bag. mom got a very very very nice green tote bag. nyeh, i am so gonna use it when i feel like using it. nyehahah. ooh, chocolates. well, can't really think right now, so urm, ya.
zara's right, FSV IS GETTING TOO BIG. there are 5 new members and we have to teach them
everything: the sound system, the imovie, the camera things, the duty things.. i feel as if i am a JC2 person already! blah, and it's kinda scary, cos i want to be in JC2 next year. promos are in less than 50 days and i am still procrastinating.
somehow, i feel as if my sentences do not flow anymore.
RANDOMISMONITY!glen: eh atiqah, who invented the emac?
me: macdonald's.
glen: huh?
me: yalah, big mac what.
glen: awesome.
damn damn damn damn damn. i just feel like beating myself up. what's wrong? i don't freaking know.
I'M A CRAZY BUGGER!!
IF THERE IS ANYONE READING THIS, I WANT TO KNOW WHY. heh.
okay, so do you think i look angelic?:
NO I DON'T! COS I AM A CRAZY BUGGER!!!
oh i waved goodbye to mr fahy while waiting for the parents to fetch me from school just now.
and tagboard's back.
i
AM a crazy bugger.
IT/COM NO.8.
i guess i should have the computer number for my title everytime i blog from the school library. if only jx isn't deprived of his library card, i'd be crapping with him here. bleah.
i guess it's really hard to detach myself from my emotions and my thoughts. damn, kin says i think too much and i think i do too. rahs says i feel to much, but i guess it's because i'm
FEMALE. it's really hard to be all random now, because i'm just too sleepy.
damn, it's early in the morning and i am already blogging. well, school ends late today. i've got mr fahy's PC lesson later this afternoon, and i haven't handed in my BNW essay which was long overdue last week. so that makes me, DEAD. really, i'm already feeling tired right now, how am i suppose to last later on?
i guess i won't last afterall.
my mom can be quite irritating in the morning, asking a whole load of questions and mocking me and all. but then again, i find
EVERYONE irritating in the morning. damn, even if it's in the afternoon or at night, i find people irritating. it's just a noisy world.
a noisy, brave new world.i think zara is right, i read too much of that novel.
the sister's coming back from denmark tomorrow morning. and i have to drag myself in my school uniform to the airport at 0530 hrs. i don't mind that. i just hope macdonald's is open so i can grab something to eat. i get really grouchy if i wake up so damn early in the morning with no food in my stomach.
speaking of food,
FRUIT DAY DIET IS TODAY AND THURSDAY. well, for the whole day until dinner time at least. damn i am taking this like a mad vegetarian. even vegetarians aren't deprived of rice and tofu. blah. em says i should declare myself as a
semi-fruiterian. but heck no, i'm proud to be an
OMNIVORE.i seriously think no one reads this blog except for rabies, kel and steffi. and me.
RANDOMISMONITY!-
naah, too early in the morning. maybe later. not that anyone reads/cares/anything.-
oh, tirra for now.
comes to think abt it, no. i think blogging is overrated now. EVERYONE HAS A BLOG, EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT BLOGS AND WHEN YOU READ THE DIGITAL TIMES, IT'S ALWAYS FOCUSING ON BLOGS. and it seems like whatever i said just now was like some sort of
blogger-blasphemy. i hate blogs, the overratedness of it, and yet i am blogging. well, who cares. it's just a thought.
i may even be faking it all. just like many other bloggers out there.
may fake it all. or i may not too. take your pick.
i honestly feel i'm just talking to myself.
WHY WON'T ANYONE SAVE THEMSELVES?!?!?!
I DON'T GET IT WHY NO ONE WILL SAVE THEMSELVES?! CAN'T THEY SEE THAT THEY ARE ALL INFECTED?! WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES, SINGING THE SAME SONG, DOING THE SAME THINGS!!! IT'S SPREADING SO DAMN QUICKLY! EVERYWHERE I TURN, I SEE ANOTHER PERSON INFECTED! THEN MY ENTIRE CLASS GOT INFECTED! THEN MY FRIENDS, THEN MY CCA PEOPLE!!! OH MY GOD WILL SOMEONE SAVE US?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I WENT TO MR HO SHOUTING "
WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!" BUT HE COULDN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I AM INFECTED TOO! I AM WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES, SINGING THE SAME SONG AND GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION AS THEM TOO! DAMN DAMN DAMN!
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. SAVE ME FROM THE
CJ EPIDEMIA!!!
my friends all think i'm going crazy. i wonder why. why can't they see that they've been overshadowed by this widespread virus? WHY ? WHY ?!?
WHY ?!?!?!?!?!
argh friggin PBL.
damn damn damn. why am i so jinxed? (
ok, i shall not bring myself back to the issue of being syirik and shit.) i got myself dumped into the worst PBL group ever. damn, if they read this, i'd probably be ostracised or hated for life but heck, it's the group i would LAST want to be in. any bunch of slackers with a motivator will bound to work. but we are just a whole bunch of slackers, all of us will be on free rides and we are all gonna die and we are all gonna die
and we are all gonna die.i really do not know why i am so friggin angsty these days, but yes i am. and i have no one to blame. my stomach's really not my heart now, nothing i eat is ever fulfilling. and no, it's not me being my usual gluttony self. it's just this feeling of eating so much, but never satisfied; spending so much time getting drenched in the shower but never clean. get it? i don't.
i came to class and i saw "
52 days to promos" written on the board. i am so
dead. and below that, "
ACT 3 PEOPLE FOR NDP ARE TO REPORT TO THE GRANDSTAND THIS SATURDAY (6TH AUGUST) AT 3PM AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO THE PADANG ON YOUR OWN." i don't really mind the rehearsals. but i do now cos i cannot got for night photo outing with the FSV people to take fireworks at Marina South at the Festival of Fireworks. chin yang reckons that this batch of fireworks will be so much nicer as compared to the ones in NDP cos it'll be by some french people. oh i don't know cos i won't be able to go. nyeh fuck.
damn, sometimes i wish that the bitch will just get off our cases and stop trying so hard to fit in. sometimes i feel left out too but i do not, i repeat: i
do not ever try so fugging hard that i get on people's nerves. okay, so i am two-faced, but heck, when you've had enough, you've had enough. it's rather irritating to be unattached to any group of people and have to tolerate every single person, but she is just too much. bleah.
why am i so jinxed?
RANDOMISMONITY!(this time it comes in the form of a love letter from IZ-LIM.)Harlow.
This is my third love letter to you. You have to understand that I do this every week because I care for you and your health. (or else why would it be called a love letter?) And it is because it really breaks my heart if you are unwell. (
or something like that i don't remember cos i don't have it with me right now cos i left it in class.)
blablablablablablablablablablablabla. more ramblings about diet plans, more ramblings about morning runs, and people losing weight........ (
said sth evil here i don't remember what again.) hahahahahaha. (
he really typed the "hahahaha" part.)
Why am i so not fair? It's because I am always under the sun.amanda read his love letter at the track and got really freaked out and he just laughed and laughed at her. blablablabla. why do i have such a funky p.e. torturer? howell, just as long he understands my fear for heights and thus not being able to do GSTs.
i really am rambling alot but i don't think anyone is reading cos no one leaves any sort of sign that they were here, reading.
(except for steffi loe who told me she read about the random "changkul" thing in one of my previous posts) or maybe people do not know how to use the
haloscan commentorary system that i have placed at the end of every post as an alternative to the tagboard which is being a bitch and unabling itself from being used.
this may sound so goddamn cliche. but school stinks. well, maybe not all of it. but it still stinks. someone get me an air freshener. (
ya i can hear people saying "oh my tien! this girl is so fugging lame la!" but, hey, i'm proud of it. COOL PEOPLE SUCK.i'll prolly go home later on and publish another post that no one reads.
