RANDOM-ISM.

update more. (#01)

and so, i have ended the "when i'm bored" series at issue number 20. and with that, i shall start another ridiculous series of blogs called the "update more" series, inspired by the tag made by my good ol' pal, Sop. be sure to visit HIS blog, at mrsop.blogspot.


kicking off today's issue, i shall talk about one of my weaknesses: my SHYness. (of course, you cannot expect me to be talking about you because for one thing, YOU may refer to anyone who is living on this decaying matter called earth who has access to this virtual reality we call the internet. so the probability of me knowing you is very low, despite the fact that it's almost senseless that i am expecting people from all around the world to randomly stumble upon my blog and read it, and thereby increasing the number of UNKNOWN readers out there. and why, this is my blog, that is exactly why we are talking about MY weakness here, not yours. and you're reading it so just shut up and listen.)


i may appear to be loud or outgoing or friend or whatever, but that is because i am comfortable with the company i am with, or have loosened up and have gathered my confidence so i am able to just be myself when i am around that certain company, but really, behind this face is a really shy girl who is actually afraid of making acquintances with people she hardly knows or knows just by face and name. i don't know what is it that makes me so shy, or afraid, but i just am. you cannot really blame me for getting to know you online and take years to gather the courage to meet up because i am shy, and afraid.


heck, i cannot even talk to my personal doctor. MY PERSONAL DOCTOR. when i was admitted into the hospital and had to go for all those interviews and check ups with Dr Fabian, mom/dad/whoever would have to repeat what i have said because i was so shy i talked so softly. people would expect that after my inpatient experience, i would have already be alright with the nurses and the doctors attending to me, but NOOOOOOOOOO, i was still SHY. SHY SHY FUCKEN SHY.


i'm really trying to deal with this problem, but everytime i try, i chicken out at the last minute and i'll just go back to what i have been, i become shy again. maybe i feel inadequate, maybe i feel that friends come and go so why should i waste energy and make more friends, maybe it's because i feel that many people are superficial when it comes to making friends for the first time and such, i don't know. but i think i think too much, i feel the unneccessary and therefore, i feel like shit and i suck.


i'm still shy anyway.

posted by Myz @ 11:58 AM