when i'm bored. (#19)
and yesterday night was really wonderful. :)
no, i didn't go out on the most romantic date i can ever dream of with my crush, neither did i won the lottery. yesterday, i went out with a friend i had never imagined myself getting close to when i first got to know her three years ago and had had the most wonderful, heart-to-heart, substantial-issued conversation ever.
i wouldn't blog down everything we had exchanged last night, but i would say that we both understand each other quite alot. i mean, i know i am quite sucky in the "letting out your feelings about stuff to your friends" department, but yesterday it just flowed out like water from an open tap, just flowing and flowing until time reminded us that we should get back home, back to the lives that we dread and hope that the phase will soon be over.
and it's quite enlightening to find another person who realises that holding on to your friends too closely is rather useless because we shall all come to that time where we drift apart. so last night may seem as if we are really close and stuff, but who knows tomorrow we might just drift further apart? but of course, all that pessimistic thought should be balanced with an optimistic one: there shall always be hope that we remain friends for quite some time. :)
so, SUAIDAH, thanks for your company yesterday. see ya on friday, dood.
when i'm bored. (#18)
retail theraphy works! i tried it out yesterday. but then again, the cure for the itch was only temporary because now i am broke again. BUT! i am loving my new leather sandals and my new leather pouch. (sorry steffi, but they were really nice and leather ark was having a sale)
so many tops that i want from Dorothy Perkins! ohmigosh. i wish the money tree will somehow appear right before me and autumn strikes so all of its leaves will fall to the ground for me to gather and keep. i mean, school is going to start in april i suppose and i have yet not enough tops and bottoms (bottoms as in pants. i've a vast collection of skirts, thank you very much.) for me to wear to school and i absolutely don't want to be an obvious and sad-ass Outfit Repeater.
sitting at home and not doing anything productive but housework and writing fictional stories in anakmelayu has caused serious damage to my brain. right now, i feel that my posts on blogspot are so mundane i should just shut down this blog. then it'll be my third blog that i shut down because of the same reason (which i mostly cover with the 'moving on with a new life' reason). so, since i have been registered as a relief teacher (!!!!) at the Ministry of Education, i am going to call my alma mater tomorrow morning and enquire if they need a substitute. if they don't, then i'm going to call other schools even though kel says, from experience, that i shall be more lonely there but if it's for the sake of working my brains, going out of the house, escape household chores and earning some moolah, i shall do that. thanks joshua reseach for not calling me up for training for that interviewer job you promised me. i am earning 10 dollars a day for doing household chores instead of 13 dollars per interview.
i miss being sixteen. before all of these nonsensical things take place. i miss the year nina told me i was smiling so much more. i miss the year shan and i camwhored so much in class. i miss the year the entire backrow was an ally. i miss the year when everything felt so perfect at the moment even though there are troubles in our mind cos we know there are people to turn to. i miss the year of which i had something to work hard for and something to look forward too. i miss that year of which you had loved me and of which i had loved you too.
memories are such ironies. pfft.
when i'm bored. (#17)
right now, i am this big green-eyed monster. (but i like green so its okay)
i am envious, very very envious of everyone who has something to do everyday and have a reason to look forward to the weekends. i am envious of those who have to go to school everyday and face the torment of having to pay attention in class, put up with teachers and friends and lectures and tutorials and homework. i am envious of those who have to go to work and be presented with a workload and have to put up with their collegues and employers. i am envious of those who have got job interviews, who have someone to expect to call on their phones. i am envious of movie stars and singers and celebrities who get to do their passion and paid for it, paid a huge amount for it. i am envious of result-waiters, at least they have got something to wait for!
and when the weekend comes, i am evious how people feel glad it's saturday and they haven't have to face the torment they face during the weekdays. i don't feel like that anymore because everyday is a freaking saturday to me!
okay go away.
when i'm bored. (#16)
while waiting for my hair to dry and laziness to go away before i put on something proper to go out and waste more time.
10 random things about me1) i shower once a day.
2) i scratch my ass till it bleeds.
3) i have a smelly pillow.
4) i threw a tantrum when my mom washed my smelly pillow.
5) i got back my smelly pillow smell in just 3 days. (due to point number 1)
6) i don't quite like my chicken rice with chilli. i prefer the black sauce thing.
7) i cannot live without oxygen.
8) i'm a light sleeper.
9) i'm nocturnal.
10) i like fried food.9 ways to win my heart.1) subscribe for me design magazines.
2) feed me with photography. loads of it. black and white, especially.
3) i love technology. give me loads of it, i'll love you. (so materialistic, i know)
4) don't stop me from slashing myself.
5) cook for me things with a lot of cheese.
6) hold my hand and sing with me like no one's listening.
7) buy me loads of white chocolate and eat with me. :)
8) let me love you in my very own way.
9) it's better to keep quiet instead of blurting out everything and remove my doubt.8 things i carry/wear everyday1) my cell.
2) bw p.e. shirt to sleep.
3) cj shorts to sleep.
4) red old-school adidas watch.
5) laptop on and off my bed.
6) lingerie.
7) moolah.
8) ez-link card.7 things that annoy me
1) my mother's son picking up the phone while i'm on it.
2) people who don't flush the toilet after they shit.
3) geylang serai bazaar and most of the teenage population that comes along with it.
4) loud techno/hip-hop/rnb music.
5) little sisters who don't have the initiative to do things.
6) whenever my bed breaks.
7) wet/hot days with huge crowd. 6 places i have visted or intend to1) ALMOST ALL OF MALAYSIA.
2) jakarta, bandung & bali, indonesia.
3) jeddah.
4) mecca.
5) new zeland.
6) germany.5 things i want to do before i die1) repent.
2) lose weight.
3) make love.
4) eat shit.
5) get a job.
4 things i am afraid of
1) creepy crawlers.
2) getting thrashed in pool by my little sister.
3) love.
4) moving on. (before realising that there's alot of love left. that has gotta suck.)3 things i do everyday1) eat.
2) sleep.
3) laugh at myself.2 things i'm trying not to do now
1) procrastinate.
2) smoke. 1 person i want to see now1) A SHRINK.
when i'm bored. (#15)
i removed my entire cookie business. all orders (pathetic 9 bottles of rolled oats and 4 bottles of chocolate chips) are cancelled due to the lack of minimum orders i have set before starting my entire production (10 bottles of rolled oats and 10 bottles of chocolate chips). so people who ordered (who do not actually read this blog), i am not baking your cookies. but who cares, right?
i hate the way mom reads another book and then use all of us as an experiment. next week, the entire family's gonna be on detox (yeah right, on tuesday i'm gonna go eat mars bars with shereen) because mom just read a book on the benefits of detoxification. so that means nothing but fruits, soup (the healthy kind, not the creamy mushroom goo that i love so much), vegetables, soya milk, tofu and GRILLED chicken breast minus the skin. i shall lose my purpose of living for a week. an entire week. enough to kill me.
Tab TV focused on the topic of Self-Mutilatism yesterday and i hid my wrist at my back because mom was glancing suspiciously at my direction every now and then. gosh, now why would her daughter do such a thing? anyway, after that a number of people texted me on my phone on how scary it looked on tv and told me to try and stop it or else they'll call the helpline for me. sheesh. i wonder where they were when i was cutting myself every other day? this just proves how successful the media is when it comes to creating impacts on people's mindset/life/whatever. anyway, i don't cut myself that much anymore. nope.
i no longer address my mother's only son as "brother" anymore. not unless i am in the presence of my parents and aunts and uncles and granna. in any other situation, i'll address him as "my mother's only son" or simply by his name. because i don't think he lives up to that title called "brother" and the only time he talks to me is when he needs something from me, or he needs someone else to do the dirty things in this household, or when he needs to use the PC (thank goodness i'm using the lappy now or else i'll have to encounter that). in fact, sometimes he even uses my sister to tell me to do something, or ask something from me. which is pretty much okay because i don't quite like talking to him or be in the same room as him anyway.
ah, whatever.
when i'm bored. (#14 / sell cookies issue)
ENTIRE BUSINESS WAS SCRAPED DUE TO THE LACK OF SUPPORT FROM PUBLIC FOR THE NEEDY.
when i'm bored. (#13)
ooh, 13. the supposedly unlucky number. but i like it like i like all the other numbers except 9. i have a special preference for that one. :)
so anyway, enjoy this extract from
Girl With A Pearl Earring by Tracy Chavelier. (a good read, i must say. this is my fourth.)
------------
Later I asked Tanneke why Catharina had been hiding.
"Oh, van Leeuwenhock was here," she answered, chuckling. "A friend of the master's. She's afraid of him."
"Why?"
Tanneke laughed harder. "She broke his box! She was looking in it and knocked it over. You know how clumsy she is."
I thought of my mother's knife spinning across the floor. "What box?"
"He has a wooden box that you look in and - see things."
"What things?"
"All sorts of things!" Tanneke replied impatiently. She clearly did not want to talk about the box. "Young mistress broke it, and van Leeuwenhock won't see her now. That's why master won't allow her in his room unless he's there. Perhaps he thinks she'll knock over a painting!"
I discovered what the box was the next morning, the day he spoke to me about things that took me many months to understand.
When I arrived to clean the studio, the easel and chair had been moved to one side. The desk was in their place, cleared of papers and prints. On it sat a wooden box about the size of a chest for storing clothes in. A smaller box was attached to one side, with a round object protruding from it.
I did not understand what it was, but I did not dare touch it. I went about my cleaning, glancing over it at now and then as if its use would suddenly become clear to me. I cleaned the corner, then the rest of the room, dusting the box so that I hardly touched it with my cloth. I cleaned the storeroom and mopped the floor. When I was done I stood in front of the box, arms crossed, moving around to study it.
My back was to the door but I knew suddenly that he was standing there. I wasn't sure whether to turn round or wait for him to speak.
He must have made the door creak, for then I was able to turn and face him. He was leaning against the treshold, wearing a long black robe over his daily clothes. He was watching me curiously, but he did not seem anxious that I might damage his box.
"Do you want to look in it?" he asked. It was the first time he had spoken to me directly since he asked about the vegetables many weeks before.
"Yes, sir. I do," I replied without knowing what I was agreeing to. "What is it?"
"It is called a camera obscura."
------------
now, for those who don't know, camera obscura is the "official" name for the camera (d'oh). like a scientific term or something. whatever. and those who know me would know that i have a passion for photography and art, so yeah, the passion contributes to the biased judgement of the beauty of the novel. (get it? if you don't, never mind. it doesn't sound quite right to me either.)
boredom has made me succumbed to talking to myself (and sometimes imaginary readers cos i know only a couple out there who reads my blog) on my blog about topics of mass unconcerns.
my sister's turning twelve. any gift ideas, wonderers of the virtual reality?
when i'm bored. (#12)
i am so irritated CAN?!!!! i slaved myself to get up at 7.30AM just so i can get myself at the mosque's kindergarted at 8.00 so that i can film their "lovely
(insert petals falling out of nowhere here) first day at school" just to recieve a call from my mother (yes, she is the Executive Officer for Education there. so that means she handles all matters concerning the educational faculty there. be it kindergarten, religious classes, Quran reciting classes, tuition, you name it.) saying that i was supposed to be there at 7.30 and it was already 7.57am so come 3 hours later for the afternoon session instead. like what in the name of ganja?! i could have slept in! (i assume people who actually read this blog know that i have difficulty making myself go to sleep.
MAJOR difficulty.) and no, Polar's Chicken Puff can NOT make up for this entire catastrophe.
on lighter note, my aunt sms-ed me to meet her later at the mosque at the same time my mom wants me to be there to pass me my darling
PAY. :)
yesterday, on the way to dinner, daddy was contemplating whether or not we should go to my cousin's new house after dinner since we couldn't make it to his housewarming last sunday. (yeh, yeh, the new year's day of which daddy had to go to work. freak the press!) he got my cousin one of those cooling fans, i suppose, since he'll be living in amk and singapore is very very very warm and humid place. (one day, all of us are just gonna melt because there is no more ozone layer and we are so near the equator and we are all gonna turn into one whole pile of human-goo/gunk thing.) and i suddenly blurted:
"when i get married and i move to my own house, you can give me an entire knife set. it'll be fun."
like what the hell is wrong with me?
happy going to school, all ya suckazzzzzzzz. (i just feel the need to sound eeee-vul)
**koi, you're so crappy
can?
when i'm bored. (#11 / New Year's Issue)
proof that i'm very blur/don't give a damn about the new year:1) while everyone else were all hyped up with countdown parties and such, i just want my supper.
2) it took me a while to digest that the reason people keep on sms-ing "happy new year" sms-es was because it's already 2006.
3) while i was eating my breakfast (okay, lunch. i woke up at 1310hrs) and my cousins were busy playing with lightsavers on the xbox, i suddenly shouted,"oh my goodness, it's 2006 already!"
4) the bloody semi-d people opposite my house had a major party event thing, but they were singing happy birthday and cny-ish songs, so it didn't occur to me that it was a welcoming-2006 party.
5) i have no new year's resolution.
6) i really don't get why people even bother fussing about the new year. it's just another year.
7) actually, i'm not sure why i am fussing about why i am so blur/don't give a damn about the new year. so i conclude i am blur.
chalet was so-so. it wasn't the worst that i've been to, but it wasn't the best either. the food was great. i loved the sotong and the satay but i can never forgive sean, alvin, chinyang and victor for eating the buttered sotong without calling me out of that aircon room. well, narnia was good. it's a little bit like LOTR, though. that is, the war bit. steffi thinks the hiding under the rock was like LOTR too but i think it reminds me of Jurassic Park more. but heck, i do love the effects and the costumes. i guess it'll just have to tie with HP:GoF for the movies of the year in my opinion.
congrats to zara. :)
to all FSV-ers, MCS-ers, T8-ers and CJC-ians and JC2 students-ers: happy 'A' leveling next year, bitches. ;p oh, sorry. this year. i keep on forgetting its 2006 already. (it sucks so far, the 14 hours of 2006.)
well, i think i should end this post with
HAPPY NEW YEAR. (God knows whatever for.)
