For the Darling FSV.
A tribute.here's to a year of madness: of meeting up at the foyer straight after school and waking up in the morning and chilling at MacDonalds before going to La Salle, of dashing through Suntec City just so we get to Benjamin Sheares bridge just in time to capture the sunset with our camera obscuras on huge and tiny tripods, of meeting up at the weirdest times for our photo outings, of playing with our flashes along Esplanade beach, of going around singapore for photo exhibtions, of long walks to pursue our passion. here's to a year of crashing the courtyard room every morning because we wanted to avoid standing in the courtyard and perspire our ass off, of staying back so late for rehearsals and video montages, of hanging out at the PAC, running up and down be it with microphones and microphone stands, our camcorders or DSLRs, or playing around with the lights and the superdeedooper sound system, or pulling curtains. here's to a year of small lunches at suntec city
(again), burger king, mos burger and hawker centers, here's to a year of xbox and all those orders to canadian pizza and macdonalds, here's to a year of making fun of the Herbivore, the OCD, and all those identified flying objects. here's to a year of trying so hard not to be irritated by the *cough*serpentclan*cough* and trying to figure out the chicken secret. here's to a year of tapping shoulders and magic tricks and throat vibrating. here's to a year of teaching sean to be informal and transforming zara into a GTA freak. here's to a year of friendship: one so beautiful cos we went through thick and thin together and one that's definitely forged forever in my heart. :)
minions, i had fun today. despite the fact that i was starving and probably walked around city hall three times. i really don't mind you people eating in front of me so stop feeling bad already. just that 2 hrs of sleep the previous night became the source of my mini-grouchiness today. i enjoyed walking around ToysRUs today and acting like little kids who are deprived of toys and then suddenly thrown into a huge department of such luxury. steff, thanks for accompanying me to the esplanade to get my magnets and my calendar. (i know part of the reason is because there's nothing for you to eat at Fish&Co. :P) sorry we couldn't find A scrunchie at a reasonable price for you. zar, thanks for helping me pick out my shoe. but really i think i'm gonna get the other one too. haha. guys, thanks for waiting for me to buy my shoe. heh heh. you lot looked so cute sitting around the pillar like crazy school kids who don't want to go home. oh, to whichever bugger who took the initiative to print the group photo, well done. :) honestly, i'm gonna miss you guys so goddamn much when i'm gone.
Chin Yang: don't be shy. let us take your picture for once. even photographers have to be photographed you know. you are a good pres. :)
zara: LOVE YOU TO THE BITS! all those pinkie secrets and crazy photos and crazy bk meals and crazy bk toys and crazy anime things and your MARVELOUS SPLENDID GORGEOUS SUPERDEEDUPER ULTRA MEGA GOOD EXCELLENT *insert adjective here* art and your recent transformation to a sadistic person (though not quite as sadistic as me. HTF is not sadistic!), how can i not love you, girl?
Steffi: LOVE YOU TO THE BEANS!!! ok herbivore, i mentioned you the most in my blog you know. crazy unmeat-eaterer, asthmatic laughtererer, fellow rockerererererer. this statement is an understatement, you know? ;)
victor: THROAT VIBRATOR! for all those silent busrides home. and your crazy skills at videography. and throat vibrating. open up, yeah? and find another person to take 156 home with you next year. hee.
Sean: OHMYTIEN. you're much more casual now. i love it. :) i have taught you well, my young padawan. i admire your skills at photography and your lameness. continue cracking zara up. HMMM? ;p
Manfred: hah, YOU'RE OUT OF MY SCANDALOUS LIST MAN! wyman, you stop your magician tricks on me!
Cheng Hong: thanks so so so so so much for letting me use your lappy cos my lappy cant install the cardbus. or else i'd rot in the emac lab without the real msn messenger.
Ian: stop it! stop fighting with steffi! face the fact: she's vegan. and i know you believe God exists though you are so... ugh.
Novi: i still don't know how in the world we look alike. :P
YongWen: stop telling the bird and his wings joke. we get it. but you make a good joke teller. haha.
oh, before i forget:
MR LEE AND MR TAY. thanks so much for your guidance. mr lee, you rock though i used to laugh at you during first three months because u couldn't draw for nuts on the powerpoint slides. but at least your math lectures were a little more refreshing as compared to others. mr tay, thanks for your advise and all of your concern for me and the cca. much appreciated, the both of you.
oh, mr WU. stop standing like an indian warrior in the soundroom. and thanks for all your help. and your corrine mae CDs. ronnie, we're glad you were there to help during teachers' day (a fluke a fluke!) and open hse. REALLY REALLY REALLY MEGA MEGA ULTRA SUPER APPRECIATED MAN.
well fsv, i can't wait for december to come. and i can't wait for SVA filming to start. and i really really really really love you guys la.
and of course, we got thanked! wait. let me rephrase that.
WE GOT THANKED PUBLICLY!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
okay, this looks like a mega friendster testimonial.
a slow descent.
I'm tired.
Cynical and broken, but wiser.
Heavy with a sense of resentment,
but i used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith
when I started.
You knew that I always meant it.
I knew I could make a difference,
I struggled to be heard
and then finally, one day people started listening.
and I knew it
but as soon as it began it was ruined.
A slow descent from unique to routine,
over and over,
"just do it again and this time with feeling".
The spotlight.
The focus on the friends and the feelings.
That made those stupid songs all worth singing.
And don't you say a word
unless you're pretty sure that you want it analyzed.
So we drove
for what seemed like days
over roads
and four lane highways.
We said all we had to say
and I realized in time that it didn't mean anything.
Never,
not ever again.
Not like that.
"It's only a matter of time".
-straylight run.
17th Ramadhan.
so the date marks my birthday according to the Islamic Calendar. i am eighteen now.
and a few days ago, my class baptized me with my chinese name, Rui Qi.
hello everyone, i am Rui Qi.
so additions to the 18th year: a chinese name.
and what's still the same: almost everything.
who says this year is the same as the rest? heh.
17th Ramadhan. 09 more days to 03's birthday. 10 more days to being broke. 11 more days to double's birthday. 12 more days to Syawal. 13 more days to Prata. and 14 more days to Ryan.
why i love dil. ((:
1) I can talk to Dil about everything. Every single thing under the sun.
2) Dil makes me smile at times.
3) Dil gets me irritated too. but in a warm, fuzzy way.
4) Dil and I share the same great taste in music. (heh heh)
5) and movies. and books.
6) Dil collects weird things like I do.
7) Dil's in his own world, and i am in mine. But when we talk, we just merge.
8) Dil thinks that pretty girls are poison roses.
9) and he thinks that "Tengok tembok pun baik ah". (look at the wall also good.)
honestly i don't know why i love dil, but i do. so dil, thanks for being such a baik friend ok?
and the same goes to every living soul out there who thinks they've been a good friend to me. ;)
the pressure's kicking in as hard as ever. i'm losing control.
hohum.
recieving results back is just nerve-wrecking.
naah, don't think about it girl. you're just increasing the level of emotional and mental pressure. you don't need it now, cos you don't have food to comfort you. yes, yes, i know. but it's just irritating when you know your results and there's no point hoping anymore.
sometimes i wish i can open up, as in really really open up, to someone and not just talk to walls and stuffed toys and kissing razor blades and thank god for such inventions. i know there are people out there who are willing to provide a listening ear for me, but i guess they are just not the right people whom i can talk to although they claim to be able to relate to what i am going through. i guess i need someone who doesn't know what i am going through or someone who hasn't felt the way i am feeling so the person can just shut up and listen and at the end of it, we'll talk about something else, something to smile about.
the problem with people is that they just respond the wrong way. you tell them a problem and they say "yeah, i've felt that way before" or "i understand how you feel" but in reality, no one wants to hear that because no one wants another person to perfectly understand how they feel but really really just want a listening ear. you get annoyed when someone says they understand the way you are feeling because all you want to be is to be different. you have so much angst in you that you don't want other people to understand but you want people to listen to you, give you some of their attention because you feel that is exactly what you are lacking of.
i am rambling senselessly because i am really confused right now. i don't care if someone else feels the same way because even if there is not a single soul who feels the same, it all still feels very shitty for me. my future is really a blur, a mirage and i am just lost within this nothingness, trying so so so so so very hard to make out a perfect figure out of it but to no avail. it's like being out in the open sea, not waving but drowning oh so slowly into the depths of the water, never knowing when i am going to hit the base. maybe my shirt'll get tangled to a coral, or a shark eat me up along the way. uncertainty; it surrounds me.
i really wish i can glue myself to this seat and go on and on and on and never run out of things to say just to avoid the next lesson. but i guess, that'll be the same as chickening out and running away. i wish for some courage, i wish for some guidance. i hope i find them, but i don't know where to search. the heart is just this unbalanced vessel: filled with a kaleidoscope of emotions but almost void of strength. it's existance wavering somewhere in my chest, prisoned by the ribcages. sometimes it pumps oh so slowly and silently as if welcoming death, and sometimes so fast and energetic like a stallion in the wind.
i don't know what in the world i'm rambling about. honestly.
.
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better daysDays when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months, I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better daysDays when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait 'til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
-Adam's Song by Blink182
back4days.
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I have held so dear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so-Fallen by Sarah McLachlan.
DNA Fund.
hello everyone,
due to the recent tragedies that has occured, there has been a decline of progress in a certain person's life, and therefore it may affect yours too because if she isn't progressing well and isn't happy, she will bite you.
therefore, to save all of you from this gruelling problem, i have set up a fund to aid this person with her financial needs, and thus lightening a little bit of her burden so she will be happier and
YOU will be happier.
DNA FUND: Donate to Nurul Atiqah Fund. it's a fund that aims to benefit our recipient and
YOU, our kind donator. don't worry! it's not against your religion, or your moral upbringing, and it doesn't hurt animals or human beings unless donating to the DNA FUND will cause your nerves to burst and blood escapes from every part of your body, where escapable. (and that is going to happen when you don't donate to the DNA FUND because you'll be feeling so so guilty for not giving a thought or helping with the welfare of such a sweet, kind but troubled girl)
so how to donate? just leave a tag with your name and email or web address and i'll get back to you with a mailing address of which you can mail your cash or cheque to! (sorry i don't use paypal) alternatively, if you go to the same school as i do, you can put your donation in an envelope and pass it to me or secretly leave it in my bag. :)
be a HUMAN BEING, do the right thing. and i am sure that you will feel better when you donate to the DNA FUND. remember, helping others is always a way of life. -grins-
ramadhan al-mubarak.
that means. ramadhan-something but i don't know what but it means something because everyone says it just like they say eid-mubarak. ok, so i am a little clueless when it comes to the arabic language. but i can read the Quran well. :D
so yesterday's terawih prayers marked the beginning of this holy month. so no swearing, no badmouthing, no unnecessary music and stuffs for a month. i can do it! yes i can! i shall repent and bring my soul closer to God and hopefully it'll turn into a habit and i shall continue even after this holy month of Ramadhan.
okay, that doesn't flow very nicely. just that there are so many thoughts in my head, so i can't really type everything down in a very precise and nice manner. i can't even find the word that's supposed to replace "precise and nice". heh.
PROMOS ARE OVER!!!! GO CRAZY! so urm i know i shouldn't laugh at people but, HAHA THOSE PPL WHO ARE JUST STARTING THEIRS!
okay, terawih prayers call.
P is for PRATA.
3 FSV members went for PRATA,
2 FSV members went to town,
1 FSV member went home alone.
i wanted that to be an allusion/parody/whatever (lit exam is over) to the "three little pig went to the market" nursery rhyme but howell.
okay, so exams are coming to an end this wednesday. hurrah hurrah. what joy. gotta prepare for that open house that's on this saturday and going to so freaking busy that i should just shoot myself and eat 9824389771723908576123 dates in the morning during sahur because i know i'd be so tired by the end of it. rehearsals! rehearsals! i freaking hate rehearsals.
really, i shouldn't have bought the egg-onion prata since the MAN mistook my order as "mushroom egg with cheese" instead of "mushroom cheese prata" because steffi wanted "musroom egg with cheese". and this stupid homosapien forgot her craving for banana prata and prata bomb. heck, i'm gonna go there tomorrow. MUST. HAVE TO. MESTI. or not, die. no PE-RAH-TAH for a month can lead to a lifetime of craziness and senility.
senility which reminds me of my prac crit paper today. ho what joy to write a practical criticism paper. but it gets kinda irritating when you look around you and people use up more paper than you do (although this is justified by the fact that they have awfully big handwriting and that they are sitting next to the lit pros of the class so they have to "keep up with them") and then after the exam people just discuss the themes and you try so hard to cover your ears because the ULTIMATE LIT PRO OF THE LEVEL (ie: rachel law-less) is speaking and you don't want to hear her speak because you'll feel as if whatever you have written was redundant and you'll just feel like ranting non-stop on your blog like i am. but it's okay, my fellow comrades, my vanessa kwek has made me feel better because at least i wrote more than 1 person. heh. thanks nessa if you're reading this which i highly doubt you do. because no one reads this exept that bugger sushi-tei, steffi, zara, nurul and the occasional urbanini.
steffi, stop worrying abt the "teenage superficiality pertaining issues that concern blablabla" because i know you can write well, so heck it if you have to write about blogs man. one more paper, the open house, then there's that orangasli trip to look forward to! oh, but you're not going. so urm, THERE'S THAT NEW YEAR'S CHALET TO LOOK FORWARD TOO. and china for you, if that makes you feel better. hah, communication breakdown. may the Loe be with you man.
